Today I woke up feeling that no matter how much I think I know or understand, it isn’t enough.
I don’t mean that I’m Sheldon and already know everything, but it’s funny how the world opens doors for you showing you that although you may know much, you still have a lot to learn.
Last year my family was wrecked by loss. We had a difficult year to say the least and it took me a while to realize that all we suffered within a short amount of time effected every part of me and changed me. I found that I was more afraid, I worried more, and I couldn’t pull things together despite my best efforts. It not only effected me mentally but physically. Stress can do things to the body that are still haunting me to this day.
Yesterday, however I saw the small piece of the world around me and how much I have allowed decay to set in by this change.
Recently though, my family has reason to celebrate. Part of my family has moved closer to us and I now have big reasons to find the person I used to be. One that isn’t scared all the time. One that would take the time to learn as much as I could about the world around me and one that took in every single second of life and loved it, instead of dreading what may come next.
I will never be the person I once was. Too much has changed and while I am struggling to get myself put back together, I am discovering a whole new person and seeing how much I have missed. For the first time I am excited to meet her.
I have begun querying agents again in hopes that someone will love my story as much as me. Wanting an agent to see, even though I am still learning. I really do have a great story that I want to share with the world.
The first query I sent out yesterday came back almost immediately and was a little harsh (getting used to that). That’s okay. I am learning that rejection is the biggest part of publishing.
But then something amazing happened.
I research every agent before I send a query to them. What they are looking for, their blog if they have one. Because to me it isn’t about ‘just’ finding an agent. It is about finding the right agent.
This agent’s blog made be giddy. I loved her straight talk and what she wants in a story. She stuck to me and now I know I want her! So I sent my query and now I wait.
I do know that agents research the writers they are interested in and if by chance she reads my long rant today she will know I am talking about her.
Writers who live in the query trenches or slush pile are snowflakes. Each one of us unique. But that does not make us special. If one snowflake falls nothing really happens, no matter how special. I don’t really want to be a snowflake. I want to be the entire storm.